let me take a moment to digress

You see, one of the most amazing, stress-reducing, 'makes me feel so much better than anything my level-headed husband could have ever said to me' things happened today.
One of my fellow PhD students is pregnant.

Why oh why does this make me feel better?

Gender equality is something the academic world is still trying to figure out. Women, much less married women, are at a disadvantage, and those with babies? Forget about it. With some notable exceptions, it's not exactly a family-friendly world.

Surely, numerous women before me have made there way through rigorous PhD programs and landed prestigious postdocs and academic faculty positions - with children. But it's uncommon. And frowned upon. And has caused an obscene amount of undue stress in my life.

My pregnant colleague is the first woman in our program to have gotten preggers while in the program and I thanked her profusely this morning for clearing the way for me - and all those who might come after me. (and, side note: thus far, she's received a ton of support, just warnings that she'll likely graduate later than intended, which is what she was hoping for anyway)

I have no intention of getting pregnant anytime in the next 2 years at minimum- but this program will at least take twice that long - and I'm a planner. And although I have learned that attempting to plan every minuscule aspect of my life is impossible, I still try. And there have been many a night where I have mulled over whether or not there was any possible way to balance academia and motherhood (and be successful in both) or if I'd have to give up one. And if that, then which one do I choose?

And so today, I can breathe a little easier. If someday I am blessed enough to have children, I will at least have someone to show me the ropes of motherhood in the PhD world.

And, as another side note: MQ has probably told me all of the things I discovered today a million times. But, as he as learned, sometimes I need to discover things for myself before I believe them. For example, he will tell me about a new band he's discovered that is wonderful and amazing and I will love them to pieces and should buy the album.  9 times out of 10, I nod, then completely disregard it.

And then, one day on 88.9 I'll hear it for myself and indeed think they are wonderful. I'll run home, download the album, and spend my night telling him all about the new band I just discovered. He'll sigh, and give me a look - and let me think I did indeed discover it for myself.

He's great like that.